I haven't really done much today, all the busy stuff is starting from tomorrow onwards... my 'firsts' of many things: first Fresher's night, trial run and first time working at a bar, meeting new people for the first time... it's pretty daunting the stuff i'm throwing myself into, really not knowing what to expect; at the moment, I am completely out of my comfort zone, this really is a time of huge change in my life, and many other people's as well, but I kind of want to embrace this craziness. Maybe that'll help things fall into place easier? A little less control?
I spoke to my Dad on the phone earlier for the first time since I've moved to Mum's, which was really nice, but really made me think, he told me about my room which 'no longer looks like a tramp came and lived in it' and how much more empty and spaced out it is, no clutter, no me, no cats. It must be weird and slightly scary, people often don't like change because it hits them so hard after it happens, we don't plan it to, we think it's all going to work out in our heads, in fact, we KNOW it will, but we can never plan our emotions, we never plan how we're going to feel.
At least, I thought this after our phone call, but then thought back to something he said on the phone "You never know, you might even meet the love of your life at Uni". This made me think... what if we DO plan our emotions? What if the reason people make 'life long friends' and find their 'soul mates' at University is because we're so determined and frightened of feeling alone, though the changes we're going through? What if we fall in love because we're convinced that we have to? What if it's easier to find a partner because we're so determined we settle for them. What if we make these best friends because we need to latch on to people as much as we can. People are so afraid of change when really we should learn to embrace it, we're living in a beautiful city, and maybe all we need is a little spontaneity to free our hearts and help us to cope.
Maybe we need to be pushed into our fears and jump in the deep end sometimes, instead of sacrificing our emotions all the time, to people, who just want the same as us? Not to be alone.
This feeling of complete apprehension is one that I haven't felt in a long time, now all I want to do is try and get stuck in, I want to do something random, join a sports team (although, I'll probably really regret that if I do), join a random society or club, where something completely trashy and chat to a random person, who doesn't know anything about me, I can be whoever I want to be at the moment, I really want to make the most of that.
I spoke to my Dad on the phone earlier for the first time since I've moved to Mum's, which was really nice, but really made me think, he told me about my room which 'no longer looks like a tramp came and lived in it' and how much more empty and spaced out it is, no clutter, no me, no cats. It must be weird and slightly scary, people often don't like change because it hits them so hard after it happens, we don't plan it to, we think it's all going to work out in our heads, in fact, we KNOW it will, but we can never plan our emotions, we never plan how we're going to feel.
At least, I thought this after our phone call, but then thought back to something he said on the phone "You never know, you might even meet the love of your life at Uni". This made me think... what if we DO plan our emotions? What if the reason people make 'life long friends' and find their 'soul mates' at University is because we're so determined and frightened of feeling alone, though the changes we're going through? What if we fall in love because we're convinced that we have to? What if it's easier to find a partner because we're so determined we settle for them. What if we make these best friends because we need to latch on to people as much as we can. People are so afraid of change when really we should learn to embrace it, we're living in a beautiful city, and maybe all we need is a little spontaneity to free our hearts and help us to cope.
Maybe we need to be pushed into our fears and jump in the deep end sometimes, instead of sacrificing our emotions all the time, to people, who just want the same as us? Not to be alone.
This feeling of complete apprehension is one that I haven't felt in a long time, now all I want to do is try and get stuck in, I want to do something random, join a sports team (although, I'll probably really regret that if I do), join a random society or club, where something completely trashy and chat to a random person, who doesn't know anything about me, I can be whoever I want to be at the moment, I really want to make the most of that.
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